Thinking to myself...

Blogging is a confusing experience for me. So much of what you read when you read about blogging talks about finding your niche, having an editing calendar, and running a blog like a business that it can feel overwhelming when all you wanted to do was start a blog so that you could write and post things that caught your eye. I wanted to blog as a creative exploration for myself not to gain hundreds of thousands of followers or become "internet famous". I don't want to narrow down my passions into a single niche in order to gain followers, I don't want to narrow down my passions for any reason.  Needless to say, I became overwhelmed and gave up. I read this post last week that reminded me that this blog is indeed for me. Most specifically this line "... [blogging is] one of the single most effective tools for shaping, sharing, and holding yourself accountable to living the life you want. That was everything I needed to get my head back in the game. This space is not about perfection. This space is about seeking my creative truth so good-bye Type-A-wanting-to-do-everything-perfect and hello to messy-you-never-know-what-you're-going-to-get. 

WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND

Ok so technically I am not working. Much. I have managed to pick up a part time gig that I am completely enamored with so YAY! The remaining waking hours of my life are spent in a desperate search for full time work. Whoever equated being unemployed with laziness is dead wrong because I am exhausted. All of this means I haven't had much time to finish any of the blog posts I've started but in anticipation of pending full time employment I thought I would start a Friday feature post, hence the title, that will feature things that I'm looking forward to for the weekend. (It's a work in progress while I play with the formatting so bear with me.)

Reading: I'm halfway through Dracula and plan on having it done by Sunday. 

Eating: Tortilla Española is perfect for breakfast and lunch which means more time for reading.

Listening:

Gentle Reminders

I had coffee (which turned into lunch) with Rachel, a good friend of mine, today. One of the things that I value about our time together is that I am able to be so honest in our conversations about the current state of my life. (It's not a great time right now but thankfully I am an eternal optimist so as far as I'm concerned it's still not bad. Just... trying.) In our conversation I mentioned author and speaker Brené Brown as someone that she should look into. This wasn't just something that popped into my head at that moment because I had been thinking about the Ted Talks that Brown gave after the last time Rachel and I met; her talk on vulnerability in particular because I realized that this characteristic was something that is very much a part of our friendship. When I got home I re-watched both Ted Talks and thought they deserved a post. I would also highly suggest her books. 

Ambitious Reads: October

Reading has always been one of my favorite past times. I find nothing more soothing than curling up under the covers with a cup of tea and a good book and I'm not picky about what kind of book. I have books on my shelves from (almost) every genre be it history, fantasy, self-help, memoir, mystery, politics... you get the picture.

October is my second favorite month of the year and it has always been a big deal in my family ever since I can remember; my mom's birthday is on Halloween so come October 1st it's all witches and ghouls for us. For my October reading list I decided that I would keep with the Halloween theme; even though the stories are not related to the holiday itself they all fall somewhere on the creepy scale and are worthy of the occasion. 

The Haunting of Hill House and We Have Always Lived in the Castle; these are two classics written by Shirley Jackson who was well known for her gothic style horror writing. 

The Bloody Chamber: and Other Stories by Angela Carter. This is full of dark retellings of fairy tales. 

Dracula by Bram Stoker. The classic. I haven't read it. Yet. 

Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill. This is his first novel and I've read some great reviews and since all of my other choices are classics I decided I wanted a newer release. 

All in all I think this is going to be a great reading month. Do you have any reading plans for the month? 

currently obsessing over

checking in from under the pile I'm buried under

I think I picked the worst time to start blogging. Just when I thought I had unlimited free time on my hands I forgot that June through the first week of July are always crazy in this house. There's two birthdays, the end of school, trying to find a routine for out-of-school teenagers, an annual concert weekend with my best friend, summer festivals, and our annual 4th of July vacation. Plus I got on a massive cleaning kick. Needless to say time has flown by!

With what little free time I've had I've been trying to catch up on Mad Men. I stopped watching during season 3 for no known reason and the buzz about this season peaked my interest so I'm back on the wagon. Also, I've been completely obsessed with art. I've been adding works that I find to my Pinterest boards; watching art documentaries; stocking up on paint supplies; and collecting books on art history, creativity, artists that I love, and working in the arts. I'm really excited to dig in once we get back from vacation.

If you are checking in bear with me! There should be regularly posting starting in the next couple of weeks and I can't wait to see what shape my little corner of the internet starts to take.

thirty-six

Yesterday I turned 36 and I've spent the whole of my adulthood living a life that was not authentic to who I am. Now for the first time in a very long time I am at a place in my life where I have the opportunity to change the direction of my life. Opportunities like this can be liberating and terrifying at the same time. Change takes hard work, I can handle hard work but it also means taking chances and that is something I find terrifying. In fact this fear is what has kept me stuck in jobs I've hated and a life that was unfulfilling. Chances lead to possible failures and even though failure is scary it's the side effects that come with it that scare me more than failure itself. I worry about the things that could go wrong and the people that could be disappointed and that I could end up looking like a fool. (I know, I never said that my fears were rational but they are real and scary.) What if I'm wrong and what I think I want i don't really want. What if I suck, because let's be serious, this is possible. 

At this point I feel like a deer caught in the headlights; so many possibilities are out there that I’m stuck standing still from the overwhelmingness of it all. All of these things that I want to do involve stepping into unknown territory and it’s difficult to know where to start first. So I started with a wish. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, focused my intentions on the future, exhaled my fear of uncertainty, and blew out my birthday candle. Isn’t symbolism beautiful? The truth is it did help me to let go a little bit; 36 isn’t old by any means but it is about time I took control of my life. 

So here is to 36, to action, to making dreams come true instead of just dreaming, to facing my fears, my inhibitions, my insecurities. Here’s to a year (and hopefully many more) of true ambitious execution.