currently obsessing over

checking in from under the pile I'm buried under

I think I picked the worst time to start blogging. Just when I thought I had unlimited free time on my hands I forgot that June through the first week of July are always crazy in this house. There's two birthdays, the end of school, trying to find a routine for out-of-school teenagers, an annual concert weekend with my best friend, summer festivals, and our annual 4th of July vacation. Plus I got on a massive cleaning kick. Needless to say time has flown by!

With what little free time I've had I've been trying to catch up on Mad Men. I stopped watching during season 3 for no known reason and the buzz about this season peaked my interest so I'm back on the wagon. Also, I've been completely obsessed with art. I've been adding works that I find to my Pinterest boards; watching art documentaries; stocking up on paint supplies; and collecting books on art history, creativity, artists that I love, and working in the arts. I'm really excited to dig in once we get back from vacation.

If you are checking in bear with me! There should be regularly posting starting in the next couple of weeks and I can't wait to see what shape my little corner of the internet starts to take.

thirty-six

Yesterday I turned 36 and I've spent the whole of my adulthood living a life that was not authentic to who I am. Now for the first time in a very long time I am at a place in my life where I have the opportunity to change the direction of my life. Opportunities like this can be liberating and terrifying at the same time. Change takes hard work, I can handle hard work but it also means taking chances and that is something I find terrifying. In fact this fear is what has kept me stuck in jobs I've hated and a life that was unfulfilling. Chances lead to possible failures and even though failure is scary it's the side effects that come with it that scare me more than failure itself. I worry about the things that could go wrong and the people that could be disappointed and that I could end up looking like a fool. (I know, I never said that my fears were rational but they are real and scary.) What if I'm wrong and what I think I want i don't really want. What if I suck, because let's be serious, this is possible. 

At this point I feel like a deer caught in the headlights; so many possibilities are out there that I’m stuck standing still from the overwhelmingness of it all. All of these things that I want to do involve stepping into unknown territory and it’s difficult to know where to start first. So I started with a wish. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, focused my intentions on the future, exhaled my fear of uncertainty, and blew out my birthday candle. Isn’t symbolism beautiful? The truth is it did help me to let go a little bit; 36 isn’t old by any means but it is about time I took control of my life. 

So here is to 36, to action, to making dreams come true instead of just dreaming, to facing my fears, my inhibitions, my insecurities. Here’s to a year (and hopefully many more) of true ambitious execution. 

moving forward

Sometimes when something happens that throws us for a loop we have a couple of options; we can let it cripple us so that we feel like a victim of circumstance or we can use it as an opportunity to change directions. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times I was never happy at my old job but I endured it because I played into the belief that a responsible adult doesn’t always get to do something they would like to do because we have to take care of our families, pay our bills, etc... So I sat at my desk daydreaming about winning the lottery and spending my days in a sun drenched studio painting, writing, reading and focusing on reconnecting with my creative self which has been stifled for years. So, when I found out I was being let go... there was relief. That’s not to say that there isn’t concern about finances, finding new employment, health insurance, etc but the fact that I no longer lay awake at night dreading the next day feels really good. This is an opportunity to change my future. It won't be as easy as if I had won the lottery but this is a gift. This is an opportunity for me to reconnect with who I am and to be honest with myself about what I want out of life and what makes me happy and how I want to spend the rest of my working days. Exciting? YES! Overwhelming? A little bit because I’m not sure where to start. So I took a trip to the bookstore to see if I could find anything worth while to help me start out on this new journey. I mean I know I want to be creative but what does that mean? I dug through the shelves and worked my way through a stack of 23 books until I had 4 that I really thought would work for me. 

I knew before I walked through the door that Danielle LaPorte’s The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful & Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms was going to come home with me. I’ve been following Danielle's website for years and the book has been on my Amazon wish list since it’s release. 

Ken Robinson’s new release Finding Your Element: How to Discover Your Talents and Passions and Transform Your Life was front and center on the display table when I walked in the door. I’ve watched and enjoyed his TED Talks so I gave it a once over and it is the first book that I’m going to dig into. 

The title of Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life was enough for me. From the snippits I read while I was thumbing through it at the book store this book may be more than just a great title. Jen is funny and crass but there is substance here. I’m looking forward to this one.

Jonathan Field’s Uncertainty: Turning Fear & Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance was a last minute choice. I was on the fence about it but at the same time I wasn’t ready to say no. So I threw it in the pile and went with it. We will see how it goes. I do get Jonathan’s emails and he has great things to say plus it has solid reviews on Amazon so I’m not doubting the book is good it just wasn't as excited about it as I am for the others. It’s last on the list but still on the list.

I’m really excited at this point. I have a stack of books and time to read them; summer days on the porch with a glass of lemonade, a stack of books, and a new future unfolding. 

slowly but surely

I'm still feeling a bit out of sorts. It's been two weeks since I lost my job and the adjustment has been bumpy. I've got a post coming up that I'm excited about but for now I will leave you with a few things that have been occupying my time. 

I have a serious girl crush on Amy Poehler and her Smart Girls project is amazing. This interview that she did with the ladies of Broad City is great and their discussion about creating (starting at 8:25) was seriously good advice that I needed to hear. 

Calm is a great for anxiety flareups. (Thankfully mine are getting fewer and farther between.)

YES!! A million times YES! 

Lang Leav's poetry is magic. 

I'm pretty much in love with Luke Anthony Bacon's art. 

Caitlin Mociun's jewelry line is simple and beautiful and I want it all. Especially these. 

I love a good documentary and this looks amazing. 

start where you are

Ambitious Execution has been rolling around in my head for several years now; before I had ever considered having a blog I had a blog name. In it's first incarnation Ambitious Execution was an ill attempted craft blog (I don't finish craft projects) after that it was a self-development(ish) blog which just isn't my thing and then it had a short life as a design blog but I started a job that sucked away my time and soul so after two posts it sat neglected until I deleted my third sad attempt.

Recently as my work became increasingly unbareble I wanted to begin blogging with serious intentions so that I would have something cathartic to do in my minuet spare time. My job had gotten the best of me; I was working 10 - 12 hour days, my health was declining from the stress and unhealthy meals eaten at my desk, I was becoming depressed and angry so blogging always took the back burner as the few moments I spent at home and awake I devoted to my two kids. Finally I set aside some time to think about what Ambitious Execution meant to me because if I was going to make time to do this it had to mean something to me. My first stop was the Oxford English Dictionary.

Ambitious - having or showing a strong desire & determination to succeed

Execution - the carrying out of a plan, order, or course of action

The definitions to those two words were all I needed to know. I had lost sight of who I was because I was so busy running a rat race I didn't even want to be in. My creative, soulful, happy, adventurous self had become a person I didn't recognize and Ambitious Execution is my way of getting back to who I am; this is a journey of creative self-discovery. There are no rules. (Oh and no job either but that's another story.)